A Match Into Water - Ash

[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

My grin turned from sheepish into a happy one. I had made Jisa smile and this smile was different because it was real. I wondering if I surprised her because my injury had nothing at all to do with the EF. Just my own stupidity. "Stupid tree," I mumbled again, halfheartedly.

The scent of blood and water faded as Jisa turned the water off. As the water swirled down the drain, the unease I felt went with it. I looked up from where I was balancing the ice on my ankle and saw the red marks that trailed up and down her arms. I knew that they wouldn't be there for long, her shifter blood would heal them quickly. Just like, I hoped, my being a shifter would heal my ankle quickly.

I thought about how I was so comfortable being a shifter. I accepted my new form immediately without remorse. It was a reflection of myself in animal form. I was proud that I was a shifter, that I was different. With that, my thoughts turn to shifters who weren't born but were made. Were they so uncomfortable with the change because the animal that became apart of them wasn't them at all? Was that how being a shifter worked? Or did the blood only allows for the change and who the person was determined the animal? Or was it both? Did it even make a difference?

I shook myself out of my thoughts just in time to hear Jisa's reply. "Oh, I understand."

I liked doing the same thing on occasion, mostly on those few days where being a Supernatural tired me. I liked, on those days, to pretend I was just a normal sixteen year old girl living my life without the fear of being captured, killed,...or worse.

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Jisa looked down at her clasped hands, the small smile refusing to leave her face. It wasn’t fair that it seemed to make Ash happy just by simply showing any type of joy. Not when joy was found few and far between for Jisa. Even so, she chuckled at Ash’s barely audible curse at the cause of her injury. At the same time, the tension in the room finally dispersed. Gone. It took a lot of self control to not try to cover up the cuts on her arms under Ash’s attention. Just standing still and unflinchingly watching back. It was obvious that the girl was deep in thought. About what? Jisa could only guess. There were so many things that a Shifter could consider in a moment, but she wasn’t willing to let her mind wander just yet. Instead, she kept her thoughts reined in and controlled, under the watchful eye of the part of her that was still willing to work with her and not against her.

The question sparked, then, when Jisa looked at Ash. She was sixteen and lived with a damaged - to put it lightly- nineteen year old and an orphaned seemingly thirteen year old. It wasn’t exactly a conventional lifestyle. What did she think about being a Shifter? Sure, she’d been born that way, but hadn’t known until she’d been chased and nearly killed courtesy of the EF. Had her parents known? Had that even occurred to her?

Absently, Jisa nodded. Of course Ash would understand, it was nice to feel normal every once in a while. Especially for someone as different as Anya, who had no one like her to talk to. Jisa was pretty much frozen at her age and Ash aged normally. None of them were pretty much an enhanced human with DNA so complex that she aged at the speed of light and had no idea what she could really do. She never complained, never talked about it.

“Why did you leave home, Ash?”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

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[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

After I answered, I was lost in my thoughts again. This time I was thinking about my family.

When I first came to Clearstone I hated the word 'parents'. I would tense up at the words relating to parents or family and go on the defensive, anger coursing through me. As I lived in Clearstone longer, my thoughts rarely turned to the family and friends I left behind. After all I had better, more important things to think about. Besides, I had made new friends in Jisa and Anya, as well as a few other people.

Now as I thought about my parents I no longer felt that searing anger that I first felt during my first few months at Clearstone. Rather I felt a sort of sadness for how I had left them. The reason I left my family was quite silly, considering how other Supernaturals lost their families without a choice in the matter. Perhaps one day I could return for a short visit to show them I was alive and well. I wondered what they had done once the police couldn't find me. They, despite all their restrictions on what I could and could not do and my at times horrid behavior, loved me after all. Perhaps that's why they had been so strict, they had loved me.

My thoughts then turned to the sweet bay mare I had once called my own. Even if I had never really owned her, everyone knew that I was the only one who she would try her best for. My eyes stung with tears as I wondered who was riding her now, and how she was doing. I missed her more than I did anyone. I blinked rapidly, refusing to cry.

Another thought popped in my head: Had they know I was a shifter? Is that why they didn't like me being outside of the house? Is that why they reacted like that when I told them about my riding? I didn't know.

“Why did you leave home, Ash?” My head snapped up from it had rested on my head, startled not because of her question but because I had been so lost in my thoughts. I laughed at how Jisa asked the very question that months ago I would have refused to answer and how it went along with my thoughts.

"It's stupid, really." I knew Jisa wouldn't be satisfied with that answer so I continued. "I left the day before my sixteenth birthday because I decided to be honest and tell them I had been riding horses for five years without their permission. They wanted to stop me and at the time I didn't understand why, or what was so wrong with me riding. Giving up riding was like giving up a part of myself that could never be filled by something else. They were asking the impossible of me as usual. I was tired of them restricting me and I wanted to be free of them, so I ran. Now, I think they might have had reasons."

I looked at Jisa, wondering what her reaction might be. Knowing that I had willingly given up my family for something as silly as that.

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Ash had once again fallen into a silence thick with the atmosphere bittersweet memories readily provided, her thoughts playing out behind her eyes like a movie. Jisa removed her attention from the younger shifter, intent on giving her privacy to sort out her own thoughts. Was she thinking about her answer? Were her memories, like Jisa’s, beginning to blur at the edges and fade?

No. No, most likely not.

It had, of course, been six years and a bit more since Jisa had lost her family. The view she’d had of that day had been distorted and wrecked each day that she had gone on trying to find their killer, find justice. Now, it was so warped that she wasn’t even sure she could trust herself. The search had ended, and it had long been time to let living ghosts lie. That, like most things, was easier said than done. Though, with a gun held to the head and the promise of retribution hanging on the horizon, it had become considerably easier. Incentive was surprisingly effective.

The wounds of their death had bled and re-opened so many times that it became an infection, slowly progressive, destructive: fatal. Those scars would likely never heal, would not be touched by the chemistry of Shifter blood. They would stay raised and prominent on Jisa’s soul, and she would never forget.

What she hadn’t bothered to think about while on her crusade for justification were the good times. The sound of her little sister’s laugh, the warmth of her mother’s embrace, the glowing embers of joy when her father nodded his approval at her. Those silhouetted memories were iffy at best and only added fuel to the ache of regret in her chest. She hadn’t bothered to remember them the way that they would have wanted. It was too late now to do much but hang on to the last dredges of those memories with all of her heart until they too faded. She was immortal after all. It was a lot of time allowed to forget those distant feelings.

Jisa looked back up at Ash when she acknowledged her question, fighting the frown when Ash shrugged it off as something stupid. With her deep, dark, mysterious past, it must have been hard to talk about willingly leaving. It was impossible, after all, to not at least guess at Jisa’s past. It wasn’t as if it was difficult to sense something wrong.

Attentively, she listened. At face value, it did sound trivial and so mundane that Jisa couldn’t believe that it had torn Ash out of her family life, but under closer inspection, she could acknowledge how it would be just as destructive and isolating as any traumatic occurrence. Fear was a good motivator and it had the habit of straining relationships and rotting the foundations of trust and familial ties.

”It must have been hard on you to make that decision,” she said. ”To get to that point in the first place.” After a moment she added, ”But it must have been hard on them too. You think you’d ever go back, to see them?”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

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[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

Jisa had listened attentively. Now, she reacted like I thought she would, sensibly.

I shook my head in disagreement, at least partial disagreement. "It didn't take me long at all. I was angry and made the decision without thinking about it or being rational. It was easy then. But I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't ended up in Clearstone. I'm here by accident. I hopped into the back of a truck, hiding from a few police officers who recognized me as the runaway they were on the look out for. I fell asleep and the drivers returned and started up the truck. So here I am. But perhaps if I hadn't ended up here I would have gone back to my parents."

I sighed, thinking about Jisa's newest question. I did have the thought of going back to see them, that it was hard for them losing me, but saying those things aloud was a different story. After all, it was a new concept to me. Today was the first day I had thought such thoughts. "I know it was hard on them, I suppose, me running away..." I said slowly, "but I don't know if I want to go back just yet. I don't know what I would do when if I did go back and see them. What am I suppose to tell them? Say, 'Hi mom, hi dad, how are you? Oh yeah, by the way I found out I'm a shifter!' I've been gone for months. They could think I'm dead. What if they knew I'm a shifter? What if they were hiding that from me?"

I paused for a moment then added softly, "What if they won't let me leave once I did come back?"

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Now, the confusion was warranted. It was strange to think that it hadn’t even been hard at the time for Ash, and she supposed once it was over with it was difficult to even look back and dwell over it. Anger, too, was a very powerful emotion, perhaps considered even more of a catalyst than fear itself, though it was usually founded by that particular emotion. Anger masked all else and overrode other worrisome emotions and the logical mind.

It wasn’t often that Jisa allowed herself to think, even just for a moment, what would have happened to her had her family not been murdered that day all those years ago. Tempting thoughts like that ended horribly, and only made the burn of melancholy agonizing, rather than the ever-present unbearable it was most days. They couldn’t go back in time, and despite all of the horrors and mental breakdowns and near-death experiences, Jisa wondered if she would have been okay with a perfectly normal childhood.

Some souls were made to be tortured and pitted against the darkness in life. Maybe tragedy would have found her later in life anyway. This way could be exciting, provided it wasn’t just tiresome and harrowing. A constant challenge. Or so she tried to convince herself. Jisa no longer knew, or so the story went. She had no answer to what Ash had said, only a small nod. The only thing worse than ’should have’, ‘would have’ or ‘could have’ was ‘maybe’ or ‘what if?’.

”I suppose you’re right,” she answered with a wry grin. ”But if you were born a Shifter, wouldn’t they have some answers for you? And what would stop you from leaving again if you wanted to? You have a lot more at your disposal now than then and from what I understand, you made it out just fine on your own with a half-baked plan.”

Jisa shrugged, she didn’t know enough about family dispute and lost love to even be trying to give advice, but the ache in her heart told her that with her experience, she would kill to be able to do what Ash could. Or maybe that wasn’t the right analogy, considering her position.

”I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want that uncertainty hanging around me forever, just waiting until it was too late to find out.”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

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[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

I was silent for a few moments. I shifted the ice on my now numb ankle, using it as an excuse for my silence. My brow was furrowed, my thoughts racing and my emotions all over the place. I took a deep breath and then another. I needed to calm down or else I would shift. I could already feel the horse inside me trying to escape to the surface. I soothed it, concentrating on evading a shift instead of everything else. I knew I couldn't evade giving some sort of a response to Jisa so I got on with it.

"You're right, I think. But just one more thing..." I looked down for a moment, hesitating. Then I looked up. "What if I tell them, and they don't know about me being a shifter, and then I just exposed them to our world. I don't want them involved with the EF, like I am, I want them safe. It's the least I can do for them."

I knew my parents and I have had our differences but I still loved them. I may have hated them for a time but thoughts and feelings in the heat of anger aren't necessary true ones.

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Jisa could feel Ash’s panic, and tried to mentally retract her presence from the room. Panic, prey and predators really didn’t tend to well together, and that scenario may not end well. Who was she to try to give Ash advice on this anyway? It really wasn’t any of her business, she should probably try to be so overbearing. After all, she wouldn’t likely want to take anyone’s advice on her life. No, that wouldn’t go over very well. Jisa still couldn’t shake the feeling that Ash should do something about leaving her parents hanging like that. No matter what had happened, they must have been so worried about their daughter. It was something that Jisa could still understand, she had witnessed her parents’ worry for her on more than one occasion growing up. Not for a long time.

When Ash explained what Jisa suspected was a big part of her reluctance to reconnect with her parents, she almost felt sorry for Ash. That uncertainty in wanting to keep people you loved safe sucked, it kept you from doing what you really wanted. Then again, it also told Jisa that Ash did still really care about her parents. The anger had abated, as it eventually does with all people.

”Chances are that they know, and if they don’t then their ignorance could be just as dangerous. One of your parents, at least, has to be a Shifter. The EF would be after them anyway, and if not then I guess…” She shrugged. ”I don’t know, but I think they’d rather know that you were safe. Even calling them would be something.”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

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[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

"I really don't think my parents are shifters, either one of them. I think I would have noticed something." I paused for a moment, thinking. "Then again I was trying to avoid them most of the time..." I fell silent again.

Jisa was right. I should go back. I shouldn't wait until it was too late. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life asking 'what if'. I hated not knowing the answer to something as much as I had hated what my parents had done to me. But that was in the past. This was now. And living in the now meant I had to go back and see them.

"You're right, Jisa. I should go back.." I smiled. "Maybe it'll be good to get out of Clearstone for a little while. So I'm not tempted," I said, eyeing my ankle with a murderous eye, "to do anything too stupid."

I wondered if trouble would follow me back to my hometown. I hoped not. I was already going to be taking a risk with my parents. I had to tell them, right? Ignorance could be bliss but it was also a death sentence as much as it was bliss.

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

It made Jisa feel more at ease, that Ash would at least not let herself stay separate from her parents until she regretted it. It was inevitable that she would have at some point, after all. If they worked it out and Ash still wanted to live here in Clearstone, at least she could call her parents without feeling conflicted about the whole thing if she needed someone to talk to about her problems other than a very questionable Shifter. Morals, ethics and advice were probably something that should be left to the real responsible adults.

Jisa quirked an eyebrow at Ash’s last comment. Trying and failing to kill the subtle smirk on her face at the fire that Ash held in her personality and spirit.

”I’m sure you’ll still find yourself some excitement, even out of Clearstone.”

It would be quiet in the house without Ash, no matter how little amount of time she was gone. Anya and Jisa in the big old house, two people still affected by the past but trying to move on. Jisa had to admit that she would miss the younger Shifter. Now she was getting sentimental. What next?

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

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