End of the Line - Ash

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Guilt.
A potent emotion. A deep-seated feeling of wrong, of regret – a great motivator and a terrible presence. The problem was that it no longer qualified as just that: an emotion, a fleeting feeling. For Jisa, it was a state of being. It gnawed at her belly and burned in her eyes. It twisted at her heart and curled her hands into fists. And even barring the presence of guilt, there was always – always – another emotion just fighting to take its place. People thought that she was emotionless: Jisa the Brave, the statue, the invincible; unshakeable on her best day and merely stoic on the worst.

Then again people seldom saw past that quivering, fragile façade - a permanent mask forged by grief and time. Select few had seen past the cold eyes and tall, lithe stature, had stared right into the solemn blue depths of her soul, the black grief-turned-rage in her heart. Jisa had never understood why those few people had stuck around as long as they did. Stella. Roul. Ace. And, well, Jisa wasn’t damaged enough to think it was her fault they’d disappeared, in the end. That was life. People came and went. People were killed. People disappeared without a trace. She’d already spent so many misguided years wondering the ‘what ifs’ of her family’s murder, pursuing blind revenge and paying for it dearly even now. Putting people like Ash and Anya, who, like it or not, did depend on her, in danger without knowledge of the full story.

More perplexing was that Ash still stuck around. Jisa knew she had a bad temper, she was bad with communication, and she was an awful role model. Anya had nowhere else to go, no one she knew – no family to speak of besides Jisa, and she had still found her way and left. So it just didn’t make sense that Ash would – well, Jisa wouldn’t pretend to know why Ash would choose this life over one with a stable family.

Which brought her back to guilt. After making sure Simon had Ash’s injuries under control, Jisa had excused herself to the bathroom. Even sweating and shaking with blood loss and exhaustion, she had made it outside under her own steam instead and fallen to the asphalt retching with pain. There was a hysterical litany of ‘I’ve had worse’ spinning through her brain and she just wanted to choke on the laughter that bubbled up restlessly in her chest. She certainly had had worse, it just came with the territory. Suddenly she knew that she didn’t have the strength to go back in there. The smell of antiseptic stuck to her windpipe and the glare of white on white on white threatened to roll her eyes back in her head. No. She had to get home.

There was a moment where she felt tied to the clinic, or rather to someone still obliviously inside it. It tugged at her core and she nearly went back for Ash. But that awful cloying fear was too much too soon, and Jisa gave in. Brave, yeah right. Weak as a kitten she made her way home, halfway hoping she wouldn’t quite make it. In her right pocket sat her phone, a small comfort. One digit and it could all be over, in more ways than one.

Not yet.

Instead, Jisa called a car to pick Ash up from Dr. What’s clinic as she finally dragged herself up the driveway and into the living room. At least she wasn’t losing any more blood, with the stitches in to pull the entry and exit wounds closed. With a sigh, she crawled onto the couch in the dark, feeling all her bones settling in her body. She was tired, but she doubted she’d be able to sleep until she knew Ash was home and okay.

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

OOC. Ugh, crappy post but I guess I'm trying to get back into the swing of things >.<

[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

It had not taken long for Simon patch me up. He stitched up my leg with the swift precision of a doctor and even I could find amusement when he slapped a band-aid over each of the small, puckered wounds that the taser's barbs had left. Simon moved onto Jisa, who was calm enough now to let him near her. But before that I was briefly instructed to leave an ice pack on the damned ankle that had caused this whole mess in the first place for twenty minutes before, at his insistence, wrestling a brace onto it. My nose wrinkled in distaste at the constraint on the joint, but I had to concede to Simon's argument that it obviously hadn't healed completely under my care so now it was time to follow a professional's advice. I stared mournfully at the thing, wondering how in the world I was going to shove my foot back into my shoe to make the walk back to Jisa's house.

At the very thought of walking, I wanted to sink down onto the floor and give into the weariness that was embedded in my bones. It was the weariness that made my eyelids have a mind of their own and slowly droop shut. It was the weariness, not me, that made my head sink slowly onto my chest. Before long I dozed off into a restless sleep filled with cold voices, flying bullets, and blood.

My breathing came in quick pants as I abruptly awoken from the rampant dreams. I didn't even want to think of the nightmares that would haunt my sleep tonight. That is if I ever got to sleep. One would have thought that a rest, not matter how brief, would ease that pesky fatigue that dragged at my being but if anything the restless nap only worsened the situation.

I struggled to tug on my shoe over the brace and swollen ankle. Black spots danced before my eyes and I was starting to think they were becoming my best friend. Logic should have told me to forget the shoe and just walk with the sock on, but I'm afraid my logic was drowned out by the tired insistent, illogical voice in my head.

I was alone in the white room, painfully alone. I needed to find Jisa. Where had she gone? My nostrils flared as I scented the air. I could tell, under the scent of lingering blood and antiseptic, that Jisa had left the room but hadn't been gone for too long. I limped, well it was more like hopped, out of the room down the hall, and then out of the doors all the while following the scent I associated with the panther shifter. Thankfully, I didn't run into Simon. Probably off cowering somewhere. I snorted. I should really give the guy a break. He did do Jisa and I a huge favor after all. I would have to make a note to thank him next time I saw him. Well...if he didn't piss me off that is.

There was a car waiting outside of the clinic and my first instinct was to bolt. But I wouldn't be bolting anytime soon. I tensed as the driver approached and then relaxed again as he explained that my friend Jisa had arranged the car for me. My nose twitched, telling me that Jisa hadn't taken a car back to her house. Jisa walked, I could tell by the scent trail that seemed to lead down the sidewalk towards her house. I wanted to walk after her, to make she she hadn't fallen or passed out or something of that sort.

With a sigh, I shot a dirty look at my ankle before reluctantly nodding at the driver. I limped over to the door, opened it, and just stared at the car's insides for a moment.

I pictured the Thoroughbred inside me throwing back its head and backing up swiftly at the sight of the small space. I had never realized how small the space was inside of a vehicle, nor just how much I had been walking this past year. Ashleigh! Snap out of it! Jisa. You need to find Jisa. You need to make sure she's okay. With a shudder I climbed into the car and endured the short ride to Jisa's house.

Curtly thanking the driver, I slowly made my way down Jisa's driveway and to the front door. I slipped inside without knocking. I felt as if this was my home too now, besides there was really no need for knocking anyway as I'm sure Jisa could hear me with her higher sense of hearing. I paused briefly, picking up the scent of Jisa.

It led into the dark living room. I froze in the doorway, caught in a sense of deja vu of another time not so long ago. Shaking my head I debated whether I should turn away and struggle up the stairs and to my room to rest or face Jisa now. I stepped into the living room, not because I had decided what to do, but because I think I would have chosen to pass out on the stairs rather than drag my sorry self up to my room.

I paused for a split second, taking in Jisa's tall, black clad form that was settled on the couch. The older black-haired girl didn't seem to be bleeding anymore. She was tired, no, exhausted would be the better word. I wanted to tell her to rest but I didn't know how she would take the suggestion so I said nothing at all. I moved close to where Jisa was sitting, deciding that the other, shorter, couch would suite my needs just fine. I lowered myself down onto the piece of furniture, making myself comfortable by stretching my injured leg out.

I didn't want to break the silence. I didn't know how to. Should I apologize again? Should I just come out and ask the question about the theory that developed in my mind a few months ago? I didn't want to. I was afraid of the truth, of the answers I would get.

I needed to say something, anything, but I found that my throat would not work. My uncertainty and fear made my brown eyes darker than usual. I trained them on Jisa's pale face, hoping that they could say what my voice refused to.

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

OOC: I felt like I was all over the place with this one. As I said, Ash just decided that she did not want to be written all of a sudden. Goodnight, have fun replying!

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Try as she might to stay awake, Jisa hadn’t quite managed it. In the calm dark of the living room, her eyes had slipped shut and she had drifted in that strange in-between state of consciousness and unconsciousness, unaware of her surroundings in a way she hadn’t been in a long time. It was almost soothing. That bone deep tired had just taken hold and Jisa just didn’t have the will to make it let go. There was a moment where she heard the front door click open and then shut, jarring her out of half-sleep. Her first thought was that it was Ash, after all, who else could it be? With an ironic sort of amusement, Jisa wondered at the fact that she had become so complacent. It could be anyone. But then, it hardly mattered either way.

It was probably just Ash.

Lifting her head was an effort Jisa wasn’t sure she was capable of, so she let herself feel rather than see Ash looming uncertainly in the doorway. At least she had made it home. The guilt dissipated fractionally, retracting like tendrils of darkness wrapped around her chest. Carefully, Ash limped over to the other couch and settled herself, stretching her leg out in front of her. Involuntarily, Jisa’s eyes slipped shut for another second. She felt the weight of Ash’s gaze on her, probing, questioning.

Jisa wasn’t dumb. Actually, that remained to be seen, seeing as her actions the past couple of months had been nothing less than suspicious, and perhaps Ash wouldn’t be looking at her like that had she been smarter about the whole thing but – well, it was done. In any case, she knew that Ash probably had her suspicions (who wouldn’t?) and it would be an insult to Ash’s intelligence to pretend otherwise. Even so, Jisa couldn’t bring herself to open that can of worms just yet. What could she even say? How would she make Ash understand this whole mess if Jisa couldn’t understand it herself? Ash was a shifter and Jisa was part of the EF, part of the people that had taken so much from supernaturals and humans alike. It was stupid, she knew, but she didn’t want to lose Ash, the last person left in her life, to that one truth. So instead, in true Jisa fashion, she made a suggestion instead.

“You should elevate that leg, it’ll help bring the swelling down.”

After a moment, Jisa sighed and shook her head. She was being a coward, and it didn’t help Ash.

“I think you know already, whatever you’re trying not to ask me,” she said. “But I assure you that it’s a very long, complicated story, if that helps at all.”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries.
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind.~

Jisa's brilliant blue eyes slid shut; her head resting on her chest much like mine had done earlier, as if it was too much work to hold it up. Had I caught the cat napping? She didn't seem to care one way or the other that there was a possibility that I could have be an EF cop coming to finish her off.

Well, Ash, why would she care if it was the EF? A voice in my head said sarcastically. Before I could squash the unwanted voice, Jisa spoke.

“You should elevate that leg, it’ll help bring the swelling down.”

Without argument, I shifted around to do as she suggested. I tried to form words to say something but I felt as if someone was strangling my vocal chords. So I was forced to settle with a mute nod, not knowing if Jisa had seen the gesture of agreement.

The darkness of the room wrapped itself around us in a protective cloak that helped hide our thoughts and feelings from each other. But in reality the darkness gave off a false sense of security. I knew both Jisa and I could see clearly in the dark. There was no hiding from each other. Nothing was stopping her from noticing the lack of blood in my face or the nervous twitching of my fingers.

I heard the soft exhale of the other shifter's breath; the slight rustle of her hair shifting as she shook her head before speaking once more.

“I think you know already, whatever you’re trying not to ask me,” she said. “But I assure you that it’s a very long, complicated story, if that helps at all.”

I imagined that we were a part of some sick play, that we were on stage, and I had forgotten what was my next line. I was frozen with the spotlight centered on me and a thousand eyes peering curiously, wondering what I was going to say, eagerly shifting in their seats as they waited for me to speak.But here in the now Jisa was my only audience and I didn't think that she really cared about anything at this moment, let alone me responding to her rather Jisa statement. So I stayed quiet, both the words and the silence building and building inside me. Until they both just seem to disappear in a heartbeat.

The silence shattered and the words tumbled out of me in a jumble. "It's not that I don't want to not ask you," I said quietly, the tremble in my voice growing as I went on, "I just....I am...just dammit." I gritted my teeth, forcing the words out, "I'm scared, Jisa."

There. I couldn't take back the words now, even if I wanted to.

I didn't understand how I could be fearless when I was being chased by a horde of EF cops but be reduced to a stammering mess that may or may not be speaking coherent English when I had to face my own mere thoughts. Wasn't life just freaking hilarious that way?

I knew that I couldn't just leave my jagged explanation there, I would have to elaborate. "I'm scared because I have no idea what is going to happen. You are my closest friend, Jisa, and," I paused as the memory of another black-haired woman came to me, "my guide."

I wondered, for a split second, what Jisa would think of me calling her my guide. The description fit well enough. Mentor, guide, it was all the same thing right? If not, I sure didn't see the difference.

I let out a breath before taking in a deeper one. "How? Why?"

Those were the only words I could manage to get out without continuing to sound like a complete idiot. Because I had to face myself sometime.

I turned my eyes back on her. The orbs were still dark and cold. I would listen and try not to judge her until the end of whatever she had to say. It was the least I could do. I wouldn't just walk away from the person who was constantly saving my life without giving her a chance to make some sense out of this mess. I owed her that much and more.

And so for the first time, when the thoughts rushed to be heard I didn't deny them. It was time for the truth to come out.

Jisa is a part of the Elite Forces. Jisa is a hunter. Jisa kills Supernaturals.

~Revolutions start when someone crosses the line.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Superchick's Cross The Line.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Ash complied without a word and lifted her leg onto the couch. Jisa couldn’t recall many times where she had done just that, followed instruction without opening her mouth. She did, however, remember warning the younger shifter not to ask questions or something to that effect one of the very first times they had met and spoken. It unnerved her, the effect she might have had on Ash, the fact that the other girl would apparently take her advice to heart. The silence was beginning to unsettle her too. Apparently, Ash felt it too because she had paled considerably. Even without her super shifter senses, Jisa could feel the tension in the air. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

She could almost imagine what she would have been able to hear in this quiet, dark room a year or two ago: Ash’s fluttering heartbeat and light breathing, even the nearly silent world outside around the house. The slight intake of breath before Ash finally decided to speak broke the silence, paving the way for the words that followed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to not ask you,” she said with a quivering voice. “I just… I am… just dammit. I’m scared Jisa.”

It was suddenly strikingly clear how young Ash was, from that tone of voice. Jisa herself wasn’t very much older than her technically, but she had lived a life that was arguably more complicated than it should have been at this point. It damn near broke Jisa’s heart. Ash had run away from home, and now Jisa was the only role model she had. That was a dangerous thing. Before she could summon the courage to reply or try to comfort the younger shifter, Ash spoke again.

“I’m scared because I have no idea what is going to happen. You are my closest friend Jisa, and… my guide.”

Jisa felt very distinctly old and weary. Speechless, even. What could she even say to that? There was nothing she could say, so she didn’t.

“How? Why?”

And that was the crux of it all, wasn’t it? It had started so long ago that she wasn’t even sure how she could explain. She felt Ash’s eyes on her and finally met her gaze. Jisa took a deep breath and steeled herself.

“To explain that I’d have to start at the beginning, and that was a very long time ago,” she said.

But there was no avoiding the whole story, so she explained. From her life before, where everything had been right with the world, until the time it changed in a way that couldn’t be taken back, when she had found her parents and younger sister slaughtered on the floor. How she was so overcome with guilt and grief that she’d barely been able to function. How she’d found out who – or rather what had done it – a shifter. How she’d hated supernaturals, and shifters especially for everything they were, and how she’d become one of the youngest to join the EF. That she’d gotten good fast, scarily so, and was so wrapped up in hatred and revenge that it never occurred to her that what she was doing was just as wrong as what had been done to her. That she’d gotten arrogant, and a shifter had left her for dead on a full moon on the side of a road. And that, curiously enough, another had come along and saved her.

She told Ash about how she’d hated what she’d become and that she left the EF, with no choice but to also leave Clearstone. She told her about the people she met, Stella and her bizarre relationship with an EF agent who was also part shifter, how Anya was born and that she had been left in Jisa’s care until Stella came back months later. The story came pouring out and it seemed to Jisa that it would never stop.
She told Ash how she’d fallen in love with a vampire stuck in the past, though it pained her to talk about it. How she’d been a coward and decided to leave everything she had because she’d been scared of growing so attached to the people around her.

And then she told the younger shifter about how she’d been captured that night with no one to look for her because she’d been planning to leave anyway. The EF had taken her to a facility among other high risk supernaturals and run tests on them, kept them locked up. She talked about how afraid she’d been when she started to weaken and lose her sight and how she and the boy in the cell next to her had devised a plan to free them all – only for her to be too useless to escape herself.

Haltingly, she talked about being left for dead in the forest until a shifter had brought her back to Clearstone, and it wasn’t long after that she met Ash. It was soon after that that she’d had to re-join the EF in exchange for Ash’s and Anya’s safety, as well as her own.

“But that obviously didn’t pan out the way it was supposed to, did it?” She joked without humour.

She spoke about how she suspected the EF had something to do with her family’s death and that it didn’t add up that a shifter would have done it in the first place, though there was nothing she could do to prove it.
It was an ugly story, but Ash deserved to know all of it. She needed to know all of it. Jisa couldn’t subject her to lies and deceit anymore, especially with this dangerous attachment forming between them. Jisa took a breath and forced a tiny smirk.

“So that’s my life,” she said. “How’s yours?”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~They say we are what we are but we don't have to be.~

Jisa for the first time since I walked in the room, locked eyes with me. Dark eyes stared at bright eyes and I refused to look away, as I had done all day. I heard the other shifter's intake of breath, as if she was preparing herself for what had to be an onslaught of terrible memories.

“To explain that I’d have to start at the beginning, and that was a very long time ago.” With that her story started to flood out of her mouth like rain from the sky.

True to her word, Jisa's story did start at the beginning, the very beginning. Her life then had been normal, perhaps even as perfect as a human's life could get anyway.

”You can ask, you know.” Those were the words that Jisa had said when I had glanced at the picture of her family. I didn't ask about them then, not that day. But I knew now what I had been wondering then. Jisa's family had been murdered and she had been the one who had found their lifeless forms. I didn't know how she had kept her sanity, if you could call Jisa sane to begin with. From what she described to me, of how she was consumed with guilt and grief, it sounded like she had been barely able to. She told me of how she had found out that a shifter had killed her family and how she had hated supernaturals---especially shifters. I wondered then how Jisa herself had become a shifter, if she had hated them so much. This was Jisa's story, however, and I knew that in time the answers would come.

Now, though, I knew why Jisa never seemed to fully understand why I had left my family willingly. I had taken my family for granted for a long time, and I was glad that I had time to go back to my hometown and fix those family ties before it was too late. I was lucky enough that both my parents were alive and well and that I had never known what it was like to lose a family member. Jisa's family had been viciously taken away from her...and Jisa had not had the luxury choice in the matter.

Jisa described how she had become one of the youngest to join the EF and that she had gotten good at the work scarily fast. Her hatred and revenge blinded her to just how wrong the work was. How that just because she was an EF cop didn't make killing supernaturals any more right than the shifter who had killed her family.

Arrogance had almost led to the older girl's downfall, as a shifter left her for dead on a full moon by the side of a road. "I suppose I don’t know what it’s like to die, either. I know what’s it’s like to watch people die. I even know what it’s like to nearly die, all too well." I blinked. With every word of Jisa's story that day, in this room, had became more clear. The puzzle pieces were falling into place, all the little things that Jisa had said about herself now all came together into a big picture that showed me the other shifter's life.

Oddly, ironically almost, another shifter came along and saved Jisa. She told me how she came to hate herself because she had become what she had hated most, a shifter. This was what made her leave the EF and Clearstone as well.

The other shifter told me about the people she had met when she left Clearstone. About Stella, who was Anya's mother, and her unnatural relationship with an EF cop who was part shifter. I didn't understand how that worked at all. How could an EF cop, part supernatural or not, ever be in a relationship with a supernatural? How could a supernatural be in a relationship with an EF cop who killed other supernaturals, their own kind even? It was crazy but somehow Anya had came about. She was left with Jisa for a while before Stella would come back to her daughter months later. I remember Jisa telling me about this part of her life the night that Anya had shown up on her doorstep. I almost giggled when I had remembered how Anya had given Jisa a bear hug, but I managed to refrained from doing so.

One of the most shocking bits of what Jisa had told me had to be the part that came next. Jisa had fallen in love with a vampire. At one time Jisa had been in love, which looking at her now, I found hard to believe. I noticed that she was just a bit off when she was talking about him and perhaps it still hurt that her love had been savagely ripped away like so many other things in her life.

Jisa called herself a coward for deciding to leave everything because she had been scared of growing so attached to the people around her. I couldn't hold this against her nor could I agree with her calling herself as coward because she was anything but. If I had lost my family in a single fell swoop and felt the effects like Jisa had, I would be reluctant to let anyone get close to me too.

Capture.

It was the one thing that I never let myself fully think of. My heightened competitive nature combined with the Thoroughbred's drive to win and most of all need to run made me provoke the EF. The prospect of a race, even one with no finish line, was too much to resist. I purposely bated the EF into a chase for the rush, the thrill of 'winning' without daring to think of the consequences if my speed or confidence failed me. But Jisa knew the consequences as she had been captured the night she had been planning to leave with no one to come look for her because of that.

I felt the chill of fear go down my spine as she described how the EF had taken her to a facility that had other supernaturals to be tested on, how they were locked up. I remembered the scars that marred Jisa's face, how some of them were still there. "I don't suggest the methods used to get rid of it. It's not pleasant, or FDA approved, I imagine." How true those words proved to be. In the facility, she became afraid as she weakened and lost her sight. How she had devised a plan with the boy next to her to escape, only to not be able to escape herself.

Jisa spoke of how she had been left for dead in a forest until a shifter had brought her back to Clearstone. This seemed to be difficult for her to talk about, which was understandable. She told me that we met shortly afterward and I remembered that day. The terror, the confusion, my first shift, and Jisa helping me fight of the hoard. Soon after she met me, Jisa told me that the was forced back into the EF in exchange for my safety, Anya's, and her own.

“But that obviously didn't pan out the way it was supposed to, did it?”She joked without humor.

I could only stare at her wide-eyed. I was stunned. Jisa had protected me when she had barely known me. I was part of the reason that she was stuck inside of the EF, why she was back in that nightmare. I wanted to ask her why she had protected me but Jisa wasn't quite done yet.

The other shifter spoke about how she suspected that the EF had something to do with her family's murder, that it didn't make sense that a shifter would have done it in the first place, but she couldn't prove her theory.

There was a moment of silence before Jisa took another breath and smirked. A forced smirk, a tiny one, but a smirk none the less. I tilted my head curiously.

“So that’s my life,” she said. “How’s yours?”

Somehow that statement was just pure Jisa.

"Better. I visited my parents, you know," I replied. Then I looked away from Jisa. Why were we going on like all this was normal? I wanted to get up and wrap Jisa in a hug and just tell her thank you for everything she has done for me, even though I knew that wasn't the best idea. Especially with her her shoulder.

In the back of my mind I was wondering how were were carrying on like everything was normal. This wasn't normal, was it? I knew it wasn't. It couldn't be. Yet I couldn't bring myself to be angry at Jisa Not when she was in the EF partially because of me. But I didn't know how to feel towards her. Should I go on like we normally do or is something going to change? Has something changed?

This is what scared me, the not knowing. I was so used to knowing, even if it was just knowing that even if I didn't know something I would figure it out eventually. I didn't know if this worked the same way. I sure hoped so because right now I didn't know what to do, how to feel, or even how to act.

~I'm bad behavior but I do it in the best way.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from Fall Out Boy's Immortals.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

It was strange, having the full truth out. Other people had guessed or had asked and Jisa had told them bits and pieces of the story, but no one had ever known the entire storyline of her life. Jisa felt oddly spent after revealing it all weightless in a way that made her feel empty rather than relieved. Her poor excuse for a joke fell flat between them, halfway between trying to be sarcastic and flippant, and peculiarly vulnerable. But Ash didn’t let it deter her in the slightest. She answered honestly and Jisa couldn’t help but genuinely smile. It was ridiculous that after all that, the younger shifter could just carry on with conversation so easily, which was what Jisa had been hoping for and not expecting in the slightest.

”Better. I visited my parents, you know,” she said.

Of course, Ash looked away afterward and Jisa was stuck between emotions. Instead of deciding on one, she kept it neutral and nodded.

“That’s good,” she replied. “How were they?”

Internally, Jisa was conflicted. She wanted Ash to say that her parents were fine and that somehow everything was forgiven or that she realized how much she missed her old life and had just come back to say goodbye before she left and they never saw each other again. But then, she had grown used to the younger shifter’s presence, her fiery personality and dogged determination to get herself into trouble. There was a large part of her that couldn’t bear the thought that, if Ash did leave, she’d be on her own again, in this house that she’d never had the heart to leave but hardly had the strength to stay in.

Jisa just worried, that was all. She had never even finished high school and couldn’t keep healthy relationships for the life of her. There wasn’t much out there for her, as damaged as she was. In the back of her mind, there was always the thought that, if Ash looked up to her, and she’d admitted as much, then she would be setting herself up for failure too. What was the younger girl doing besides living in the present and riling up the EF? She should have been finishing high school and going out with friends. Not living with someone like Jisa.

So, it wasn’t exactly difficult to figure out why Ash should leave, rather than stay, there were so many reasons for it.

“Have you thought about going back?” Jisa prompted cautiously. “Home, I mean.”

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME

[RacingBelle]

Ashleigh

~We're all just kids, who grew up way too fast. Yeah the good die young, but the great will always last.~

Jisa nodded then said, "That's good. How were they?"

I pressed my lips together before responding. "They were older, more tired then I remember. I suppose that's what happens when your daughter goes missing for a year. But they were happy to see me."

There was a long silence as both of us got lost in our thoughts again. I was still uncertain about where we stood, how we would continue. I didn't want to leave Jisa, even if she was apart of the EF. Why did everything have to get so complicated?

I gazed at Jisa trying to sense how she was feeling. I should have known that I wouldn't learn much, Jisa after all wasn't an easy person to read. But I did get the sense that she was debating with herself about what to do. I know I was so why shouldn't she?

“Have you thought about going back?” Jisa prompted cautiously. “Home, I mean.”

I froze, my mind racing. Was this a hint? Did she want me to leave? I gave her a wide-eyed stare for a few moments before blinking and answering. "No, I haven't. Should I be?"

I hadn't thought about going home. I had grown and changed too much to be thrown back into my old life and be normal. I bit my lip. Besides what would I tell all the people who had known me? My whole town must have heard about how I went missing. On top of that, and most importantly, if I moved back permanently I would bring danger to my parents. I wanted to avoid that at all costs, to protect my only family.

In any case, Jisa was my friend. How could I just leave her? Anya had moved on. Jisa had no one else. I was the only one left. I wasn't leaving her.

~We're growing older, but we're all soldiers tonight.~

(Inspired by Jisa! Lyrics from The Cab's Living Louder.)

[{J I S A}]

I’M STUCK HERE IN THE MIDDLE
AT WAR WITH GOOD AND EVIL

Jisa felt herself sympathizing with Ash's parents. Sure, she'd come home to find her parents and her younger sister slaughtered where they stood, blood spattered across the walls and counters and hardwood floor, but that had been a definitive end. At least she had known what had become of them. For parents to lose a child, have them disappear without a trace for that uncertain stretch of time - that must have been hell on earth. It would have been Jisa's grief and anguish and uncertainty all bundled up and perhaps multiplied without direction. Who could you blame but yourself when you didn't know what had happened? What had become of your child? Whether they'd gone of their own accord or been taken? It was an awful, awful thought.

And here Ash was. She hadn't gone back home, and Jisa wondered if she had any part in causing the girl's parents pain. Perhaps if she hadn't helped the girl out, given her a place to stay, then maybe Ash would have had no choice but to return home. Then again, she could have ended up in a much worse situation, getting caught up with the wrong people (not that Jisa was exactly the right or best people to get caught up with), and ending up shot down by the EF without knowing really what it meant to be a shifter.

Not that hanging out with Jisa had protected her much from that particular fate anyway. Jisa felt rather than saw Ash's searching gaze on her, but Jisa didn't have any real answers for the girl. There was nothing easy about this situation. So when Ash froze in reaction to Jisa's probing question, Jisa sympathized, she really did. She also felt like the worst human being in the world for what she was about to say.

"Well," she said. "Frankly, yes."

Her chest tightened, but she kept a grip on her resolve.

"What are you doing here, Ash?" Jisa asked earnestly. "I mean, you're just running around, tempting the EF - and one day they're going to get you, and once that happens, you can't go back."

Jisa sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Girls your age should be in high school. This can't be your life forever, Ash. What about having a real life? Real relationships?"

She felt like she was butchering this lecture, or whatever it was. It was coming out all wrong, and Jisa wasn't sure she'd be able to convince the other girl to do what was probably in her best interests. Probably.

"I got screwed over in this life," she confessed. "But it's not too late for you to turn back. Sure, it'd be different - you can't unknow what you do know, but people do it. Your friend, Dr. What's-his-face, did it. So many people do."

Jisa stopped there, hoping it would be enough to convince the younger shifter, but awkwardly uncertain. The truth was hanging there between them.

I can't be the reason you don't have the life you deserve.

DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME AFRAID OF DYING
I WANT LOVE IF LOVE WANTS ME